Tuesday, June 11, 2002

Dolphin Sex - Update: Lucky old me. Georges/Randy/Flipper the allegedly sex-frenzied dolphin that's so crazed with luuuurve that he's luring unsuspecting swimmers off to a hideous death-by-humping (not!) has moved into Portland Harbour, not 200 yards from Scary's house. Which is lucky for all you people out there wanting up-to-the-minute news on the making of Jaws IV: Dolphin of Doom (starring Ron Jeremy as Georges).

People humped to death by Georges: NIL
People actually seen swimming in freezing cold sea: NIL

Things I've Learned from the Internet: The web has changed my life. It's left me with the attention span of a sex-crazed goldfish and a vocabulary straight out of a porno movie. I thought I'd put up an ever-expanding list of words that I've started using in everyday conversation thanks to my slacking round the internet, complete with the guilty parties who've got me talking like a spaz:

* Woo!
* Yay!
* Houpla!
* Spong!
* Spiffy
* Dirty Sanchez
* Spaz
* Gaylord
* Gayer, Twunt, Corn Laws, Gak, Krell, Bolivian Marching Powder.

There's more. Much, much, much more. I didn't realise my life had become so shallow...

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