Thursday, February 19, 2015

Winning at Hula Hoops, winning at life


I wish they'd stop putting beef-flavoured Hula Hoops in the vending machine at work. Beef-flavoured Hula Hoops are made of rabid potatoes, evil in beef form, and the tormented souls of the dead, which – of course – makes them one of the greatest foodstuffs in the galaxy.

Imagine my surprise when I opened a packet to find this monster.

HULA KONG (Actual size)
I eated it.

But my interest was piqued. Why not make beef-flavoured Hula Hoops in a perfect hoop shape? You could, quite literally, eat them right around the clock. Better still, a two-foot-long Hula Hoop. Beef at one end, ready salted in the middle, cheese and onion at the other. No salt and vinegar, because salt and vinegar Hula Hoops are of Satan.

Or, they could just follow the road taken by the people who make Quavers and make a giant wheelie bin-sized Quaver that weighs half a ton, and caused an industrial accident.

My dream Quaver (Once they've got the blood off)
I'd buy that for a dollar.

4 comments:

TRT said...

Gourmet onion rings with a little sachet of powdered cheese to dip it into...

Dioclese said...

Twiglets. I love twiglets. When they arrive in the kitchen cupboard, I know it's Christmas time again...

Flaxen Saxon said...

Why has no one invented SPAM flavoured sweetmeats?

Theodore Wirth said...

What? You have a problem with Funyuns? We'll see about that.