Friday, October 16, 2015

A cavalcade of James Bond FACTS!

I bloody love James Bond, but did you know...?

James Bond's hobby is wiping his arse on expensive cars while playing pocket billiards

The entry requirement for Spectre is sticking your winky in a dead pig's mouth

The entry requirement for the Double-O section is sticking a pig's winky into a dead member of Spectre's mouth
The entry requirement for Q Division is to invent a fake winky that explodes when stuck into a dead pig's mouth

"Do you know who'd make a great James Bond? Dawn French!" - If you hear anyone use this argument, you are legally obliged to run them over with a tractor

Bond is set to regenerate into his seventh official incarnation at the end of Spectre. Smart money's on Dawn French. Or Ron Weasley

Here he is again. Expensive car, fiddling with his bits through his trousers
Bond actually hates Vodka Martinis Shaken Not Stirred, but he can't drink pints on duty because it makes him need to wee every five minutes

Q is worth ten points in Scrabble, something he always mentions in the presence of M (three points)

For the love of God, man. People are watching.
The next Bond film will dump the Bond Girl in favour of a CGI cool cartoon dog called Poochy James Hound. Bond will not be having sex with James Hound, unless Ron Weasley takes on the role

Bond's eulogy for M at her funeral ("Leader, inspiration, but above all - GILF") has since been carved onto her gravestone

You think you've hidden your foul habit by draping your jacket over the target area.
Stop. Just stop.
Let's hear it for James Bond! The dirty car-frotting pervert.


Mr Larrington said...

"Try to bring it back in one piece this time, double-oh-seven!"

Because austerity, the next Bond James Bond film will see Bond James Bond going undercover as a minicab driver in south London. Q Branch will equip him with an exploding Magic Tree to hang from the rear-view mirror of his 10 year old Hyundai Execrable. The car will be nicked by estate monkeys.

Ole Phat Stu said...

As regards product placement in the Bond movies,
do you realise that "James Bond" is an anagram of "Admen Jobs" ;-)