Write your own obit

Hall of Fame

Halls of Fame are great. You get to see all kinds of people rewarded for their travails in all kinds of worthwhile jobs, such as rock star, football player and movie robot. I want to be in a Hall of Fame, probably the Internet Mr Sex one they're thinking about. But it's not enough. The world needs more.

I'm going to set up a Hall of Fame for Halls of Fame. There's so many Halls of Fame out there, the public are confused as to which ones are good Halls of Fame and which ones are, in fact, Halls of Lame. So, by inducting the best Halls of Fame into the Hall of Fame Hall of Fame, people will be able to see all their favourite Halls of Fame collected into one, large, convenient Hall full of famous stuff.

If the idea catches on, we may see many Hall of Fame Hall of Fames opening around the world vying for attention. Then, the only course of action would be to set up a Hall of Fame for these Hall of Fame Hall of Fames, creating one big Hall of Fame Hall of Fame Hall of Fame, somewhere on a highway in Idaho. This is going to go huge.

Write your own obituary!

Oh well, another day, and Thatcher still lives. Where's the justice? Where are the crowds dancing in the streets? Where's the Diana-like memorial fountain that closely resembles a public urinal?

When I curl up my toes, I expect the Dorset Echo to carry a double-page spread entitled "Local author, wit, genius and sexual athlete who re-defined swearing genre, carks it in freak porn factory accident. Slow train to Hell waiting at platform one".

How would you like to be remembered?