Thursday, February 08, 2007

On things I'm not doing any more, because I can't be arsed

On things I'm not doing any more, because I can't be arsed

A short list of things I'm not doing any more, because I can't be arsed:

* Updating the Pengor blog, as there are only so many gags you can do about fish and militant flightless birds as a bizarre allegory on the War Against Terror

* The Done a Poo blog, another bizarre allegory on the War Against Terror, now safely safely in the unwashed hands of Rik and TRT

* The House of Lies, not a bizarre allegory on anything in particular, but biting the dust mainly because - lazy dog that I am - the gags would be better suited to these pages

For example:

According to the 1967 Scud Description Act, a pornographic movie will not receive a certificate from the official censor unless it contains the line "It's so hot in here" in the first scene. Ideally, this will be said by a not unattractive young woman, who will be buck naked within seconds and playing on the pink oboe of her male suitor. Even Eskimo Igloo Orgy III, a classic of the genre, was not exempt.

This lazy streak manifests itself in today's Thursday vote-o, where the Vote-o Quote-os are sourced from all the spare crud left sitting around the House of Lies. Recycling, I think you will agree, at its finest.

Choose, then, tomorrow's story from the following all-too-familiar list:

* Road Rage: Little is known of the Fourth Wise King of the Nativity, King Eric the Forgetful who neglected to turn up at the stable altogether on the most holiest of nights. Which is just as well, as his gift of a toaster and a ten pounds Argos voucher would not have been appreciated by Joseph, who was expecting a set of golf clubs at the very least.

* Hole in the Ground: The Welsh version of the popular gameshow ‘Wheel of Fortune’ features no vowels, but allows contestants to buy an ‘L’ for 500 points. On the other hand, such is the complexity of the language, a typical edition of the Chinese version of ‘Wheel of Fortune’ lasts for 18 hours, and usually ends with one of the contestants dying of exhaustion.

* Bin: A recent US Supreme Court ruling has banned bagpipe music throughout the United States as a “cruel and unusual punishment” as laid out in the 8th Amendment of the Constitution. This overrides a previous ruling which supported the use of bagpipes in local militia forces under the constitutional “right to bear arms”.

* Rubbery: Following his death by suicide in 1994, Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain has been consigned to an eternity in hell. Thursdays are particularly bad for the People’s Poet: it’s line-dancing day.

I wouldn't bother voting me up, if I were you. Complete waste of time. (Also a lie)

Slight update, considering the weather:

Yellow snow is a naturally occuring phenomenon, and is perfectly safe to eat.
'Yum', and indeed, 'Om nom nom nom'.

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