On unwanted phone calls
And so the phone rings.
It being about half-past six, I am honing my hunter-gatherer instincts, flailing about up to my elbows in 600g of Asda chicken fillets and a short-dated stir-in chicken korma mix to provide for my ravenous family who are but one meal away from going wild.
You can guarantee -when the phone rings at that hour - that buggery is afoot.
And so it appears to be:
Phone Centre Drone: Good evening Mr Duck, I'm conducting a market research survey for Wanker Industries.
Me: Oh, Arse!
Phone Centre Drone: I wonder if you could... I beg your pardon?
Me: Oh, nothing. Nothing. Do go on.
Phone Centre Drone: I wonder if you could spare a few minutes to answer some questions?
Me: I'd be delighted
Phone Centre Drone: (suspiciously) You would?
Me: Yes. Yes I would. But only after you've helped with my survey.
Phone Centre Drone: (now utterly confused at being dragged away from her script) Bu... bu... what?
Me: I'm trying to find out how long any given call centre operator takes to disconnect the line after I say three carefully selected words
Phone Centre Drone: Um... Are you sure?
Me: Sure I'm sure. This won't take a second
Phone Centre Drone: OK... try me
Me: Telephone. Preference. Service.
Phone Centre Drone: Mwaaaaaargh.....*click*
0.00003 seconds. A new record.