Friday, August 01, 2014

In which one examines the possibility of a small bird flying through your car window at 30mph

You know what they say: "Freakishly big feet, massive beak"
So, driving home this afternoon from the early early shift and looking forward to a few hours zzz-ing on the sofa, when I happen on the charming village of Hartley "Don't call us Witney" Wintney.

Slowing the Silver Hornet down to observe the speed limit because I am a responsible driver who takes a dim view of killing people TO DEATH, there is a blur of motion to my right and something spangs me on the shoulder and into the back seat of the car.

And pulling over, I find a very small bird sitting stunned among the dog hairs and tangled lap belts, with a look on its face that is very much "What in the name of shittery just happened there?"

Degree of difficulty: 30mph, open window, loud 1990s indie rock. Even the most dimwitted member of the Tufty Club must have seen me coming before trying to cross the road.

I am a nice person, so I coax the wren out on a tea towel (and the picture really doesn't do justice to how small it really was), and give him/her its freedom, sticking him on a branch in the hedge from whence he had first emerged. He appeared a little shocked and stunned by the whole affair, and I left it at that.

It does not thank me.

In fact, there is fury in those eyes. Just look.

That's the last time I help out any member of the animal world that throws itself through my car windows. Next time they're walking home.

In summary: BIRD. Bird with massive feet and rubbish sense of direction.


Flaxen Saxon said...

Mr Duck, next time wring its neck and eat it. Yea, I know there is not a lot of meat on these small birds. But every little helps, don't it? If you cook it in an environmental friendly wind powered oven you can keep your 'carbon footprint' to the size of a sparrow foot. Anyway, those inscrutable Chinese folk eat chicken feet. Have you never been to 'Dim Sum'? Tastes like greasy chicken shit, by the way. That's why I always order the chip option. The Chinese cook great chips.

Alistair Coleman said...

Love a Chinese omelette. They do great stuff with eggs.


Were you driving a Wrenault?

Anonymous said...

I have this image of SD driving a Reliant Robin.

Alistair Coleman said...

Anon: I have (very low) standards. It's a 1997 Nissan Micra.

Anthony Oldford said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Off topic: I find your blog very funny and a bit risque at times. I am a retired lawyer, and should the police ever catch up with you I am willing to come out of retirement to defend you at your trial at no cost to your good self.