|Just filling in time before the B Ark leaves for the space colonies|
Coming out of Liverpool Street station this morning in the pissing rain, I was confronted by a cheerful-looking dreadlocked charity collector wielding a bucket.
"Ah-ha!" I think to myself, "This seems a good cause for my small change, I think I'll tip them.. a... bit... of... blunt..."
It was at that exact moment that I realised that the bucket was empty and it was a mere prop to trick me into the orbit of a future 'B Ark' passenger.
The very word formed on my lips in blind panic as I fought to achieve escape velocity ("CH... CH... CH..." like a furious David Bowie), but it was too late, for the spiel had already started.
"You look like you're a cheerful sort of person..."
"CH... CH... CH... CHUGGER!"
Not naming any names, Greenpeace.
I repeat: They're using props now.