Friday, October 31, 2014

Is James Bond a Timelord? An important and definitive study into Britain's most celebrated MI6 agent

Commander James Bond has been a fixture within the United Kingdom's military intelligence security for over fifty years, yet he still shows the youthful exuberance towards his work in the second decade of the 21st Century as when he first emerged in the 1960s.

In fact, some would argue that 007 displays powers of endurance and recovery that preclude him from being human at all, and point to more a other-worldly genesis for the secret agent.

Current theories speculate that he arrived on Earth at approximately the same time as his kinsman known as "The Doctor". While one Gallifreyan made it his business to venture through time and space, the "Bond" Timelord fell in with the British establishment, to use his extraordinary powers to defeat evil.

One could also theorise that Bond is stranded - or even exiled - on Earth, much like The Doctor's third regeneration, possibly due to his violent nature.

Now on his sixth regeneration, it is clear that no ordinary human could carry out the feats of strength, deduction and resilience that Bond possesses in his arsenal.

Firstly: Consider his powers of recovery. His extra heart means he is fitter than the average human, and while getting knocked out would disable a man for several days, Bond returns to consciousness with a clear head, ready to fight on. No human could take punishment like Timelord Bond.

Of course, there are times when the punishment becomes too much, hence the six regenerations. Even when the regeneration fails (in the case of Agent Lazenby), Bond is able to 'roll back' to the previous regeneration (Agent Connery) before eventually settling on a more permanent face.

Second: Q Division. Bond's weaponry is presented at the work of one doddery old man, who often presents himself as Bond's "uncle". This is - of course - a future version of himself presenting 007 with alien technology to defeat his enemies.

Shape-shifting cars are just a simple corruption of the chameleon circuit, well beyond Earthly technology. Timelord Bond, like The Doctor, has every eventuality covered.

And finally: Like The Doctor, Bond has employed a succession of young female "assistants". While these "Bond Girls" have a varying life expectancy, it's a common thread between the two Timelords that they cannot work without an Earthly companion.

The difference with Bond is that these companions are very much of the temporary variety.

But is there an alternative narrative? Of course there is.

While the Timelord theory is compelling, MI6's own version reads more like the ramblings of a conspiracy theorist.

Bond, the British Government says, is not so much a man but an idea. There have been several Bonds down the decades, some more successful and longer-lived than others. When one Bond expires, or simply outlives his usefulness, he is replaced by a newer, more determined 007.

It is - they say - a model that is well used among global intelligence agencies and their adversaries, which goes to explain why there have been a number of Ernst Stavro Blofelds, while the CIA's Felix Leiter, has at least nine difference recorded faces.

This "Evolving Bond" narrative also explains problems with continuity that have plagued Bond-watchers down the years.

The original Commander Bond was said to have a degree in oriental languages, but by the time of Brosnan Bond, he can't speak a word. The poor man is so confused, he resigns from the service and launches a career in musicals.

The same can be said for Lazenby Bond, who went AWOL after the events portrayed in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, and MI6 were forced to recall Connery Bond back from retirement.

While all previous Bonds were recruited from Royal Naval officers with a background in intelligence, Craig Bond shows a marked departure from the tradition. Craig Bond was reportedly  recruited from the special services purely for PR reasons, on the grounds that the public "like a bit of rough".

As backstories go, it's not a particularly good one, and shows that cuts in Whitehall PR departments are biting particularly deeply if that's the best they can come up with. In fact, this failed attempt at PR spin is all the evidence we need to show MI6's cover story is nothing but a sham.

James Bond, 007, is not of the Earth and this is the proof.


TRT said...

Bot forgetting the predisposition to either Scottish or English "desktop themes".

Dioclese said...

He's not actually real, you know?

Ole Phat Stu said...

FWIW : "Ian Fleming" is an anagram of "Failing Men" ;-)

Mr Larrington said...

@Dioclese: whereas The Doctor...