Monday, April 13, 2015

The James Bond Paradox

Goldfinger: Good, solid socialist Bond
It is a widely-held belief that popular music is only ever any good under a Conservative government. The thinking is that music is only ever any good when it's angry and has something to lash out at, and the People's Poets of this world are best motivated by a bourgoisie-worker power struggle as set out in the works of Marx and Engels.

This is what I said on the subject last week and I stand by those words:

"As soon as Tony Blair showed up in 1997, Britpop went down the shitter to be replaced by Steps and the Spice Girls, all the proof you need."

That's as maybe, but I have another proposition for you, and it is this:

You only get decent James Bond films under a Labour government.

Let's get this flimsy argument off the ground by looking at the evidence:

  • Goldfinger (Labour) - GOOD
  • You Only Live Twice (Labour) - A CLASSIC
  • Diamonds Are Forever (Conservative) - TURKEY
  • The Spy Who Loved Me (Labour) - BACK ON FORM
  • For Your Eyes Only (Conservative) - AAARGH
  • Octopussy (Conservative) - AAARGH
  • A View To A Kill (Conservative) - MAKE IT STOP
  • Die Another Day (Labour) - CRAP
  • Casino Royal (Labour) - BACK ON FORM
  • Skyfall (Conservative/Lib Dem coalition) - UTTER DOG'S DINNER
Octopussy: Crowds were drawn in by the promise of Roger Moore's freakishly long legs
You will note that Die Another Day, while made under a Labour government, is listed as "CRAP". That may be true, but it was made under post-9/11 Tony Blair, when he was more Tory than the Tory party, which bent the universe out of shape and gave us a shit Labour Bond movie. This was rectified with the release of Casino Royale, which while still under Blair was made good by the expectation of incoming Gordon Brown.

Secondly, you will note that the only Bond film made under the present Conservative - Lib Dem coalition is a complete dog's dinner of a film. This is what you can come to expect from coalition politics. Shit Bond.

Skyfall: The paradox of a great Bond in a duff movie. That's coalition politics for you
This brings us to the spectre of SPECTRE. While being filmed under the Tory-LD coalition, its release will come under whoever next makes it into Number Ten. If rumours surrounding the script are anything to go by, then David Cameron has no worries about the result for May's General Election.

But this poses one question for every single registered voter in this country. Do you want decent music, or do you want decent Bond films? This is clearly going to be the most important General Election of our generation.


TRT said...

But the notion of preventing an assassination attempt on the Prime Minister (and/or assorted world leaders)...

MikeyB said...

Quantum of solace: CRAPtacular