My plan to defeat the right-wing knuckle-draggers

The news that the BNP's so-called "Truth Truck" got stuck under bridge in Sunderland brought forth gales of laughter from anybody who thinks they are nothing but a bunch of knuckle-dragging incompetents. Which is most people. Confused by a height limit sign that was written in both fiendish foreign metric mesaurements and good, stout feet and inches, the driver took a wrong turn, and the Truth Truck found itself wedged so hard under the bridge that they had to let down the tyres to get it out.

The incident also caused huge delays on the area's Metro system, showing that this bunch of fascists can't even be relied on to get the trains running on time.

But, we hear you ask, what is this Truth Truck all about? The BNP has jumped on the bandwagon of what they see as creeping Islamification of British culture and are seeking a ban on Halal foods in British stores and restaurants. There's no way they're having this Johnny Foreigner meat in good old British Sunday roasts if they've got any say in these things.

While I'm no big fan of Halal slaughter methods (in fact, I'm slowly moving towards becoming a full-on veggie, and any dietry restriction that's based on centuries-old religion doctrine is first-level madness), you don't hear the increasingly loud right wing shouting for a ban on Kosher slaughter, which is much the same. Because, in their way of thinking, that's just not Kosher.

But there is one thing I've noticed, and that's the increased labelling of foodstuffs as "Halal" in supermarkets that isn't even meat, essentially because the big stores know an expanding market when they see one. And I'm all in favour of dumping my anti-religion credentials and giving this policy a hearty thumbs up, for one reason only:

If we label everything in Tescos, Asda and Lidl as "halal", we can starve the BNP and EDL into submission.

I've seen EDL marches, and God knows they could lose a few pounds.

Imagine the confusion when they see the halal logos on their Pot Noodles, Kestrel lager and good, British Vesta Curries. That's the kind of community integration I can believe in.