Sunday, August 30, 2015

Bob the Builder and the Devil's Work

This used to be Bob the Builder. Let's be frank, dear reader - here's a man I'd trust with my damp course any time of the day or night, and that's not even sexy slang.

He had two number one singles, and kept Neil Morrissey on the straight-and-narrow, stopping him from appearing in dreadful films such as Run For Your Wife. Then he stopped being Bob the Builder, and went straight out and appeared in dreadful films like Run For Your Wife.

Now look at Bob. LOOK AT HIM.

They've turned him into some dreadful CGI man-child, and it's not even Neil Morrissey.

Look at those dead, dead eyes and that vacant face.

There's nobody at home. The skull is empty except for the FIRES OF HELL that burn with SATAN'S WORK. Can he fix it? Only if LUCIFER says so.

And those hands.

Freakishly large, and I know what you're thinking. Those are the hands of a committed masturbator, thinking SATANIC thoughts of lust and wanton wossnames when he's supposed to be building an extension at Mrs Humpsmore's house. If you look in the skip behind Bob's builder's yard, I'll wager you'll find them full of buggered watermelons.

And there's one other thing.

Who gave you the extra finger, Bob? That's right. SATAN.

The new Bob the Builder. Evil. QED.

Let's just remember the glory days. Like the time they let Stephen King write an episode.


Tomas Tanc said...

Bob the Builder is used in Poland to advertise jobs in Britain. Theresa May doesn't know about it.

Mr Larrington said...

Theresa May knows about it now. I bet she reads this blog first thing every morning before sitting down to work out new ways of shafting widows and orphans, while eating live rats.

My chum Captain Bob once played the drums behind Neil Morrissey in a rendition of Mr The Builder's hit single at some showbiz party, secondhand fame fans.