Friday, April 22, 2016

Save our Stars: Join the global fightback against Death's icy claw

Winton: Cannot be allowed to cark it
Let's not beat about the bush - 2016 is killing off our icons like nobody's business. Bowie. Prince. Corbett.Victoria Wood. Sir George Martin. Alan Rickman. Every other day seems to bring with it the news of the death of a much-loved celebrity.

And this will not do.

So, what can we do to stop Death's icy claw taking away our heroes?

Join us - dear reader - in the Global Save Our Stars Scheme.

Bloody hell, who let Attenborough near this dangerous, flesh-eating creature?
This is what I propose: We all adopt a celebrity and make a daily check on them and remind them to keep breathing. Barring restraining orders and court injunctions, you should keep this up for as long as possible, and save us from having to mourn the passing of another great.

Your contribution to the SAVE OUR STARS programme needn't be a national treasure - for every David Attenborough there's a Dean Gaffney, so pick your celebrity and keep them alive until at least 2017 comes round.

I've already popped in on Dale Winton to make sure he's been properly sanded and varnished to the correct shade of orange, so he's all sorted. 

And it shouldn't just be heroes. We don't wish death on anybody, so we're all going to have to look after a pantomime villain as well. For every Dalai Lama there's a Vladimir Putin, and we're all in this together.

Trump: Has a note from his doctor, but can you seriously trust so-called science?
I've already popped in on Donald Trump to make sure he's been properly sanded and varnished to the correct shade of orange, so he's all sorted. 

Who are you going to adopt, citizen?

This is going to take a lot of effort, so please select your celeb and share these instructions. This year has hurt us enough already. Let's do this thing.

We were too late for Wellard, but Gaffney needs to be reminded to breathe


Richard said...

I'll leave Sir Rog for the Debster and ensure that Dame Judi is properly topped up with the recommended summer coolant and anti-freeze.

Sahara Desert said...

As before: I'm taking charge of that wily old goat, Michael Caine

Ole Phat Stu said...

I'd take Justin Bieber . . .
and lock him away to make sure he doesn't come to any harm ;-)

Mr Larrington said...

Some clever-clogs on the wireless pointed out the other day that the slebs carking it are the first of the era of near-universal TV ownership. People are dying at the same rate, it's just more likely that we've heard of them. Dale Winton being a classic case.

TRT said...

I'm fearful for Tom Baker, myself. That would just finish my childhood completely. I suppose... Well, I suppose I'll have to grow up once he's gone. Although we've still got Shatner.

Anonymous said...

Had anyone been assigned to look after Mr. Duck ?

Mr Larrington said...

It's all gone very quiet around here. Has DETH's icy wossname grasped Mr Duck by the ankle and dragged him off the the Neither World or something? Or what?