Dr Scary's Problem Page
Dear Dr Scary
I'm a sixteen-year-old student studying mechanics at my local college. My girlfriend Sharon is on a drama course and we send text messages to each other constantly. We can send anything up to 100 texts to each other every day!!!
This morning, though, she didn't send a reply to me for over four hours. Do you think she's having an affair?
Lance Boyle, Catford
PS Please don't print my name or where I live
Calm down, my boy. I'm glad you managed to separate yourself from your mobile phone for long enough to write me your letter. Who says the English language is dead?
The way I see it, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your buxom, pert ladyfriend Sharon is clearly besotted with you, and there is no way on God's Earth that she would cheat on a fine young man with a rewarding future in the motor trade to look forward to.
I am certain that there is a perfectly rational explanation for her lack of communication. Young Sharon is, from my experience, clearly encountering one of the following:
* Flat battery
* No signal or network problems
* Too busy in her drama class to get to her phone
* Frantically moaning with exquisite pleasure as she squirms and writhes naked on top of her thrusting Casanova of a drama teacher, his tongue invading her very womanhood, pleasuring her in a manner far beyond your feeble imaginings; as she cups those pert, young breasts in orgasmic delight, her phone on vibrate with your unread pathetic bleatings only adding to the ecstasy each time you hit 'send'; then posting video images of the one-on-one drama class she will never forget all over the Myspace page you have neither the wit nor intelligence to find
* Phone accidentally set to silent
See? Nothing to worry about.
PS Oops. Sorry.