Public Health Warning
Please pass this warning on to everybody you know. This is important, and could SAVE A LIFE.
Government scientists from the Department of Leaving Rakes Lying Around In The Garden are warning of the extreme danger of leaving plungers in toilet bowls.
Do not leave plungers in toilet bowls, the government warns, particularly if you are:
* a cleaner in the home for the blind;
* are having a partially-sighted, rich, elderly relative round to visit; or
* are prone to going to the toilet in the middle of the night without switching the light on.
The consequences, according to the research, could be fatal.
"You only get one rectum in your life", said a senior research scientist, "don't rip the shit out of it."
Think once. Think twice. Think Don't Leave Plungers Down Toilet Bowls.
That is all.
On a Thursday vote-o
Oh, go on, then. One of these four tales of mirth and woe will appear tomorrow. Choose! And choose well, with the vote-o quote-os coming from actual phrases I have heard in meetings and conferences in the last week:
* Launcher: "We've got to replace walled gardens with a pick and mix mind-set"
* The Nature Poo: "We need to capture more eyeballs"
* Paintball: "Let's fly a kite and see who gets struck by lightning"
* Sports Day: "360-degree vertical, horizontal and stakeholder feedback"