|Whatever your political stripe: DEMAND TURDS ON 22nd MAY|
With the European elections little more than a week away, the parties will be trying their hardest to secure your vote.
In the normal scheme of things, your friendly neighbourhood blogger might be making a few posts hoping to tell you which way to vote. You are wrong, because you should be voting for [PARTY NAME REDACTED].
That was a joke.
You see, in the early days of these pages, I could get away with telling you to support [PARTY NAME REDACTED] and not [PARTY NAME REDACTED] because my job was not in the public sphere. Now, however, I am employed as a journalist, and ethics demand that I report neutrally, and that means publishing no political opinion in either a personal or professional capacity in the run-up to an election, especially when it comes to my opinions of [POLITICIAN'S NAME REDACTED], who I believe to be the most enormous shit.
That's by-the-by because I have strong opinions on [POLITICIAN'S NAME REDACTED] (nobber), [POLITICIAN'S NAME REDACTED] (bell-end) and [POLITICIAN'S NAME REDACTED] (wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire) as well, which shows that I would be an equal-opportunities political commentator given half the chance.
Of course, I can be equally scathing of the policies held by [PARTY NAME REDACTED], [PARTY NAME REDACTED] and [PARTY NAME REDACTED] – not to mention [PARTY NAME REDACTED] who should be denied the oxygen of publicity as far as I care. Also, actual oxygen.
However, I love my job, and it would therefore be an act of spectacular folly if I were to tell you for whom to vote.
So, being careful not to abuse my position of trust, I urge you to use your hard-fought democratic right and get out and vote on 22nd May for whoever the hell you like. Just as long as it's not for [PARTY NAME REDACTED]. Or [PARTY NAME REDACTED]. And especially not [PARTY NAME REDACTED].