It's an actual true fact that chocolate tastes 237% better if you're biting the face off a frog. That's why Freddo bars are the best chocolate in the world.
But which chocolate bars are the best? And which ones are the worst? We asked The Internet, ignored their advice completely, and have compiled a definitive list of chocolate snacks.
- Freddo – the king of chocolate snacks. I remember when Freddo was just a little chocolate tadpole, begging you to bite his face off
- Bounty (Plain chocolate) – Fails to make number one because of the sheer terror that it might contain bitey tropical insects. I have never found bitey chocolate insects
- Twix – Two fingers up to Kitkat, who are at the bottom because they're made by Nestle. Twix, yeah!
- Topic – What's got a hazelnut in every bite? Squirrel casserole. Sadly not sampled for several years out of deference to Jane's nut allergy
- Snickers - Yum (but see Topic)
- Wispa – Like mainlining milk chocolate. More satisfying than the Aero (relegated to the second division due to Nestle connection)
- Flake – See Wispa, only with most of it ending up on the floor. Eating one in the bath is not as sexy as they make out in the adverts
- Wagon Wheels – The staple diet of football fans, was once charged a pound for one at Chelsea back in the late eighties, but it was the size of a dustbin lid. They ARE getting smaller
- Boost –good for quick energy, but lose marks because of their habit of extracting your fillings if you eat one straight out of a chilled vending machine
- Mars – Once the gold standard of chocolate, now overtaken by keener, frog-shaped rivals. The "Meh" of chocolate.
- Dairy Crunch - Also the "Meh" of chocolate
- Bounty (Milk chocolate) - A disappointing version of the stellar plain Bounty, with the added sheer terror of bitey tropical insects etc
- Crunchie - The chocolate equivalent of Soylent Green.
- Picnic - Doesn't know if it's a chocolate bar or a bowl of fruit. Sort yourself out, Picnic, you're a disgrace. Also: Looks like a nutty turd
- Double Decker – "They're crunchy. They're chewy" went the advert. They're bloody horrible.
- Kitkat / Kitkat Chunky – Because they're made by Nestle.
- Lion Bar – "Because the moment you bite into them they go off like a bleeding fragmentation grenade." One bar in every 10,000 contains a real lion.
Any comments or additions to the list? YOU ARE WRONG.