Wednesday, July 02, 2014

Theme From Mantrap

Kill it! Kill it with sticks and fire!

I've written before on the worst invention ever to befall mankind. Not chemical weapons. Not Robin Thicke. But those giant toilet roll holders in office lavatories designed to stop you from walking off with the bog rolls.

With their huge paper-shredding teeth and a propensity for the end of the paper to disappear up inside the gubbins, the inventor of this outrage will be the first against the wall come my glorious rule.

And now it has got worse, as it appears that the standard size roll from the wholesalers has become slightly too large for the holders. The result: A huge toilet roll inside a metal drum quite unable to rotate, the only manoeuvre left for the desperate cubicle inhabitant is to reach up inside and draw the paper out themselves, with the deadly risk that entails.

Built with teeth taken straight out of some sort of particularly vicious wild animal, the floor of the office conveniences is strewn with shredded paper and severed fingers. It's almost as if it's an official plot to stop us from using the toilets.


TRT said...

They used to be fairly reliable beasts, but there's a new breed built with thermoset plastic that warps and jams and sticks every two days. Beware!

Zimmer said...

You've obviously never heard Ben Elton on the subject or these beasts....