Monday, December 28, 2015

Superman may be a dick, but he's surrounded by bigger dicks

I have written at length on how Superman, The Man of Steel, is a complete dick. While this opinion has not changed, it's worth pointing out he's probably a dick because he is surrounded by bigger dicks.

Lois Lane, for example.

"Herp. Derp."
Ms Lane is an award-winning journalist, and we are frequently told that she is the best reporter at the Daily Planet.

Why then - I ask - does she constantly fail to notice that her closest colleague Clark Kent is just Superman with a pair of glasses and a shapeless suit?

It's not as if she knows that many six-foot-four man-mountains with a barrel chest and an ability not to feel pain, even when run over by a truck right outside their offices. There is one simple reason for this: Lois Lane is a dick.

Having said that, I know some perfectly good journalists who couldn't find their own arse with both hands tied behind their backs. Ms Lane joins this proud tradition. But she's not alone at the Daily Planet ast being a complete dick.

Take cub photographer Jimmy Olsen.

"Derp. Herp."
He's a photographer. He's Superman's preferred photographer. He takes loads of pictures of Superman. Which he then hands to Clark Kent. You would have thought he would have noticed.

But there's a reason for that. Cub photographer Jimmy Olsen is a dick.

And so is Daily Planet editor Perry White. And everybody who works at the Daily Planet. Dicks, the lot of them.

So easily fooled is award-winning journalist Lois Lane with the old glasses on/off trick that she is perpetually puzzled by The Man of Steel's pets.

"Hey Clark -- When did you get a second cat?"
She also thinks he's got two rabbits.

"Hey Clark -- I didn't know you had two of these fellas"
It's not as if the citizens of any other major American city fail to recognise a superhero hiding in plain sight, right?

"Hey, Bruce Wayne, you'll never guess who was here a minute ago. Batman!"
People of Gotham: You're all dicks. You deserve the Joker.


Dioclese said...

The latest Superman remake was considerably better.

Like a lot of the originals (Star Trek, Batman etc) they seem to have to make endless crap versions before doing it properly!

TRT said...

IMHO they still have to hit the mark with Star Trek.

Mr Larrington said...

Doesn't alter the fact that Superman is a dick in a veritable forest of dicks.

Anonymous said...

One of those rabbits is clearly an imposter.