Monday, August 25, 2008

On spoilers

On spoilers

There's always one, isn't there?

As we sat down one long, dull Sunday afternoon to watch Bruce Willis star vehicle The Sixth Sense on DVD, the otherwise excellent Scaryduck Junior surfaces long enough from his Nintendo DS to deliver ten devastating words of film-spoiling critique:

"Sixth Sense? That's the one where he's dead, isn't it?"

From the day the first cinema opened, there was always some smart-arse leaning over your shoulder with the words "Know what? Rosebud was his sled" thinking they're being hugely hepful, when in fact, they're they world's biggest git.

So - SPOILER ALERT! - here's a few more one-liners guaranteed to make Mr Popular at the start of any film. And you'll note that ANY M. Night Shyamalan film is just ripe for wrecking:

* "Nicole Kidman, Dr Who, Eric Sykes and the awful brats are all ghosts"

* "They're living in a nature reserve away from society"

* "Samuel L Jackson caused the train crash"

* "Water is poisonous to the aliens"

Not to mention the entire Hollywood canon:

* "Darth Vader's actually his dad"

* "Soylent Green is people"

* "He gets back to the future, and Doc's wearing a bullet-proof vest"

* "Bill gets killed"

* "Bond got Pussy Galore to swap the nerve gas"

* "They burn Edward Woodward in the wicker man"

* "Sylvester Stallone saves the penalty. Sylvester bloody Stallone."

* "They all get arrested before they reach the Holy Grail"

Please add your own. Don't name the film - we've got to work it out for ourselves.

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