All the best people, I have decided, are left handed.This has everything to do with the fact that your humble author does everything left-handed, except:
a) play golf, which is clearly a sport that's been built the wrong way round, and
b) wipe my bottom
The only problem with this observation is that when shaking hands with a righty, I am using my good hand to shake with somebody else's bottom mitt.
No wonder I'm a freak in polite company if "Left or right? LEFT OR RIGHT?" is screaming through my head every time I meet somebody new.
To illustrate my point on how EXCELLENT left-handers are, you will note the following people are or were all left-handed. EXCELLENT people, doing EXCELLENT things for the continued EXCELLENCE of our civilisation.
* The Boston Strangler
* Bill Gates
* Jack the Ripper
* Uri Geller
* Billy the Kid
* Paul Daniels
* The Emperor Tiberius
* Diego Maradona
* Ronald Reagan
* Robbie out of EastEnders
* Phil Collins
* General Zod
Kneel! You will kneel before Zod, all-knowing master of the left-handed empire that will last 10,000 years. Mwa ha ha haaaaaaaargh!
*cough*
Yes.
Albert Einstein was one of us as well, as is all pornography produced since 1968.
What are you? Left or right? Sinister or Dexter?
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