On wanting to be anywhere in the world that's not PC World

So I went out and bought a new laptop, my old one doing a reasonable impression of a brick. Like some sort of moron, I took myself to PC World, there being nowhere else in the Farnborough – Aldershot – Fleet Bermuda Triangle that sells computers, and was not surprised in the slightest at the following exchange.

PC World: "Would you like to buy Norton anti-virus?"

Me: "Err... no thanks. I'd rather eat my own foot."

PC World: "WHAT? You'd rather surf the internet without protection? ARE YOU MAD?"

Me: "No, I'm not a moron."

PC World: "But you'll be surfing the internet without protection. End times! Fire falling from the skies! Dogs and cats living together!"

(He might not have used such florid language)

Me: "Also, it's Windows 8. It comes with Microsoft's own anti-virus software as standard. So stop trying to sell me something I'll never need, because I am not a moron"

PC World: "Oh. Right."

Me: "In fact, just sell me the laptop and let me get out of here."

They sold me the laptop, and I got out of there feeling smug.

Then I got the thing home and the most important key on the keyboard (F5) fell off. So... back to a store where I had just insulted everybody to ask them for a replacement.

Pie has never tasted more humble.

(And credit to PC World, they were very nice about it)