Anyone living in a real earthquake zone going to laugh at this - but we here in Merrie Olde Englande got rocked by a frankly titchy 4.8 Richter quake at one o'clock this morning, which threw me out of bed despite being a good 100 miles from the epicentre. It was the most exciting thing that's ever happened to Dudley, ever.
I did not run out into the street naked, though by all accounts many people did, and that's where the trouble started.
And a big thank you to all 400,000 people who turned up for the Countryside march in London yesterday, leaving the capital knee-deep in litter. Next time I'm in the country remind me to return the compliment, you manky Tory bastards. Where were you when the miners, shipbuilders and steelworkers were marching for their "Liberty and Livelihood" in 1984? Perhaps the Earth is trying to tell you something.
"Okay, so I was bored"
Am I an otter or not? All my own work. Apart from all the difficult programming an' stuff. I'll get me coat.