Saturday, September 07, 2002

Oh No! It's another “Dolphin Sex Update”

With all of this week’s piss-poor haircut malarkey going on, I almost forgot the latest on Georges/Randy/Flipper, the sex-crazed crime-fighting dolphin that inhabits our local waters.

dolphin woman
"Left a bit, right a bit, scratch there. You're an angel, darlin'"

With the summer holidays bringing hoardes of tourists down to Weymouth, August ended with the town so packed with sweaty tourists you had to ask the next person to budge up a bit so you could put your hand in your pocket. This teeming mass of humanity also spread into the sea, where at one point Georges/Randy/Flipper had somewhere in the region of sixty people trying to swim with him at once.

It was going to end in tears, and so it did. On the same day that the kind people of Norway promised, hand on heart, not to shag, kill and eat Keiko the Killer Whale in the traditional Norse manner, Filthy Georges was taking matters into his own hands.

The poor bugger was trying to have a quiet swim, and all he gets are these thicky humans trying to biff him on the nose. So it came as no surprise that the Dorset Echo reported “Man Tossed By Dolphin in Portland Harbour”.

“Blimey”, I thought, “That’s a bit clever even for a dolphin. He hasn’t even got opposable thumbs.”

Yes folks. Filthy Georges the Filthy Dolphin strikes again. If he can’t shag you to death he’ll.... I’ll get me coat.

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