Greetings to my highly esteemed colleagues, many of whom may be reading these pages for the first time thanks to an article in the staff magazine detailing my outrageous fortune. If any of you are in a position to offer me an incredibly highly paid writing gig (where, of course, I wouldn't have to leave this wonderful department I already work in), this duck ain't too proud to beg. God bless ya, guv.
I love getting those dreadful Nigerian scam e-mails, and frankly I won't get out of bed for anything less than $50,000,000 (FIFTY MILLION US DOLLARS). They let you into a world of crime so brazen, you'd have to be thicker than Jade Big Brother to get sucked in. So, I was totally disgusted and a little insulted to receive this:
"RE : ASSISTANCE FOR THE IMMEEDIATEE TRANFER OF US$18"
Eighteen dollars? EIGHTEEN DOLLARS?!?!?! The creep's only going to give me 15% of that, so I'd be left with a massive $2.70, or just less than two quid in real money. It's hardly worth my running down to Lagos and giving him a piece of my mind. Besides, he could be new to the game. He's probably been told to start off with loose change before being allowed to work on the big money scams. In which case, it's good to see sound training advice and solid career progression employed in the field of international crime. They could have seminars and everything. Make it happen, criminal dudes!