A load of stuff that's been cluttering my brain this week. Downloaded here so it can clutter up yours too.
* So, where have all the England flags gone? A couple of weeks ago, they were everywhere. Now that we're offically crap again, they've all disappeared. Insert witty comment here.
* Taking my eye off the ball (as it were), I failed to notice that one-bollocked cycling legend and cancer survivor Lance Armstrong had split with his wife and run off with Shania "That Don't Impress Me Much" Twain.
"So, you've won the Tour de France five times in a row. OK, that's quite impressive."
It must be the shorts.
* Good news for Bournemouth-based perverts! It's the Miss England final this weekend, and a bigger bunch of slappers you will never see. Call me a man with unique problems if you wish, but the word "skanky" immediately springs to mind.
Miss Essex would probably try to kill you for money. How disappointing it must be to become Miss Newquay Lifeboats 2004. I would have expected her to be far butcher. And wearing oilskins.
* Following the Popbitch story of a naturist heavy metal tribute band called Nudist Priest, I bring you the West Country's finest tribute act - the Red Hot Silli Feckers.
* Only interesting to bloggers: The BBC is experimenting with community weblogs, giving residents of the Scottish Highlands and Islands their own blogs. Already there are the frequent bloggers and those who have fallen by the wayside, but where else can you get all the tawdry inside gossip on Balamory?
* Googlewhack!: Rampant Bumsexualist and George W Bush is a spectacular twunt. I RULE!
* Please listen to my fartings! Japanese fetish video - or is it?
* Misheard, I think: "Yeah, I really want to give up smoking. I'm going for Hitler Therapy next month."
* Certainly not misheard: "I held a bukkake party last night. It was rubbish. Nobody came."