I've been known to get fan mail. Some of it is even rather nice, and some of the time hardly any money has changed hands.
And to celebrate the 999th post on this site, proving that I'm as narcissistic as the next man, some highlights from my Inbox of Mirth and Woe. And lowlights.
You love me! You all love me!
"Scary just got sexy" - ITV
"Better than Jeffrey Archer" - The Guardian
"Stamp out this evil in your midst! This filth must be eradicated!" - a famous author
"Made my lunch come out of my nose like a dead pharoah's brains" - Nelson Mandela
"You make me sick" - Offended Texan
"A cacophony of shite" – Anon
"A jumped up little twat" - Anon
and my favourite troll, ever:
"A turd-in-process of being squeezed out of the fundament of his prolixity." – Xerxes
I thought Xerxes was such a good troll, he deserves fan mail of his own. So:
Praise for Xerxes:
"A cunt" - Scaryduck
Monday will be a 1,000th post spectacular. No pressure to write anything special, then.