On not being able to win, ever
She: "You never buy me presents."
Me: "Yes. Yes I do. I remembered Valentine's Day and our anniversary. You got flowers, and I got 'where did you get the money?'"
"But you never surprise me. A present out of the blue would be nice."
"True - but now that you've mentioned it, it's not going to be much of a surprise when I turn up on Friday with a box of Milk Tray, is it?"
"Normal men buy their wives underwear. I bet you don't even know my size."
"Meh. I could find out, you know."
"That'll be the day."
Two days later:
"What the bloody hell are you doing in my underwear drawer?"
"But you said..."
*sigh* "Flowers, then..."
Women: Can't live with 'em, can't stove 'em over the head with a blunt instrument and bury 'em under the patio.
The Thursday Vote-o
Another week, another list of both mirth and woe for you to choose from for tomorrow's Scary Story. Once again, they come with less-than-helpful descriptions left over from The House of Lies. Which is true? Which is false? Choose! CHOOSE!
* Bin: Outside of the tourist season, the mayor of Venice pulls out the great big plug on the canal, and the city has regular roads just like any other place in the world
* Doctors and Nurses: The events in the film 'Independence Day' actually happened. They just covered it up as part of a global conspiracy
* Timmy: Several government ministers have resigned their posts over the Trident controversy this week. You would have thought they had more important things to get so worked up about other than rubbish chewing gum adverts
* Bullshit: At least two of the Pokemon are classified as sexually transmitted diseases, giving the lie to the phrase ‘Gotta catch em all’
* Cretin Band: The Russians have a spy satellite so powerful it can tell if you have the crabs. The only way to defeat its Crab-detecting rays is to wrap the afflicted parts in tinfoil
In the name of Bummy Rabbits: Chooooooooooooose!