Friday, October 12, 2012

A doomed attempt to bring the religions of the world together through the medium of poetry

I learn with some interest from That There News than an Indian poet is using rhyming couplets to inspire harmony between the religions. This, I suppose, is the international news equivalent of the pensioner's poem to the local newspaper, complaining about council policy on discount parking on market days in the worst doggerel imaginable.

Time to put a stop to this sort of thing. Religion isn't religion unless you are engaged in some kind of Holy War against all other religions, and is probably why Baha'i (the only major religion to be nice to other religions) is perhaps the most persecuted in the world.

By way of an opening gambit, this one's been personally approved by the Archbishop of Canterbury himself:
"Come to our church, you know it's right
All other religions are a bag of shite"
Then, there's my Ode to the Dalai Lama

You think you're so clever, Tenzin Gyatso
Tell that Buddha "Up yours fatso"

If you're into celebrating a bloke who got nailed to a tree...

The Catholic church is full of joys
Sign up now and fiddle with boys!

That last one - quite naturally - celebrates the free adult-and-youth violin lessons that are currently on offer. Also:

The Church of Rome extends its hand of friendship
Unless you’re a woman or gay, then fuck off

Let's not forget the Atheists, because all people are born equal:

You really think you're so clever, Richard Dawkins
Let's see how smug you are once the devil gets a-porkin' (anus)

And, of course, somebody's bound to say "You'd never insult Islam, you coward", or "Go on then, try something anti-Semitic" and they'd be right, because I wouldn't. This one is NOT about Islam, or Judaism. At all.

I really admire your much-revered belief system
Please, not the face.

Even if the whole "rhyming couplets" thing's gone to the dogs, that's just about all the bases covered, don't you think? Oh, hang on...

Your Sacred Spirit is such a farce
Stick your dream catcher up your arse.
There, much better.

No comments: