Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Google Pub View
That's no longer a problem, because I've just invented Google Pub View.
Google Pub View maps out the inside of your local, and tells you if there's a machine in the gents', what ales are on tap, or if it looks the kind of place that's full of screaming kids and/or wankers.
Google Pub View also lets you know where the pub bore** sits, so you can sit somewhere else, preferably in a decent pub up to 100 miles away.
The only downside of Google Pub View is that Google have to drive a Vauxhall Astra through the Lounge Bar, something which many landlords and breweries frown upon.
That'll be a million billion pounds please, Mr Google.
* Unless you count calling your junior school teacher "mummy", having met her in Waitrose last Saturday
** In fact, Google Pub View was invented during a long, long evening stuck with a Pub Bore. I barely got six words in all evening: "Hello", "Goodbye", and (under my breath) "Shut up, you twat".