Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Google Pub View

There's nothing more embarrassing* than going into a pub or bar and not knowing where the toilets are, where to find the best seats, or if there are a number of twee agricultural implements wired to the wall which may be used as weapons later in the evening.

That's no longer a problem, because I've just invented Google Pub View.

Google Pub View maps out the inside of your local, and tells you if there's a machine in the gents', what ales are on tap, or if it looks the kind of place that's full of screaming kids and/or wankers.

Google Pub View also lets you know where the pub bore** sits, so you can sit somewhere else, preferably in a decent pub up to 100 miles away.

The only downside of Google Pub View is that Google have to drive a Vauxhall Astra through the Lounge Bar, something which many landlords and breweries frown upon.

That'll be a million billion pounds please, Mr Google.

* Unless you count calling your junior school teacher "mummy", having met her in Waitrose last Saturday

** In fact, Google Pub View was invented during a long, long evening stuck with a Pub Bore. I barely got six words in all evening: "Hello", "Goodbye", and (under my breath) "Shut up, you twat".


Twenty_Rothmans said...

Some method of reporting the state of the lavs would be useful in counselling if it's best to hold on for home if you're not wearing wellies.

Jesus Christ I Have Risen Again And With A Banging Hangover said...

Some pubs I have been in would benefit from having a vauxhall astra driven through the front doors at pace near closing time. Not only would it open up the front to the public but also wipe out most of the "stinking of piss" regulars.

Microgeluk said...

And use it together with google beer goggles