Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Christmas in Fleet

To the local Co-Op for a pint of milk and a quick scan of the "Reduced to Kill" shelf, and the glow on the horizon as I approach resolves itself into the house opposite the shopping parade:


I'm pretty certain you can see this tastefully-decorated abode from space, and residents know when they switch them on when all the lights in the rest of the town dim.

But! Inside the shop we go, and find out that the Christmas edition of this red-top scandal magazine is not a fake that's been doing the rounds on Twitter as I thought:

A Happy Christmas of murder, death, doom, destruction and horror. But the good news is that you get a £5 turkey feast. It's probably a live turkey that comes round your house and pecks your face off.

No, you can't have it. Get your own copy.

7 comments:

Gonzoland said...

I went to the 'That's Life' Magazine site in order to check that the cover is real and now I've committed myself to becoming a surrogate mum.

Keith F said...

You'll probably like this then :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKhNTU30Tho

AmyP said...

"...for a pint of milk and a quick scan of the "Reduced to Kill" shelf,"
This reminds me I wanted to compliment you on that milk-gone-bad story from your schooldays that I read years ago on your blog. I can't remember details of it anymore but I wanted to tell you how much I laughed when I read it. Very good.

AmyP said...

Oh and re the Xmas gaudy lights, all too common in the U.S.
Years ago people took pride in making something tasteful to put in the yard, keep it simple, but for about 10-15 yrs now it's blow-up made-in-china badly-designed snowmen and santas that go in the landfill once they spring a leak. Ugly as sin. You know what they say, there's no accountin' for taste.

Howard said...

"A Ghost Gave Me Triplets" is on page 68. Why isn't this on one page one of the Times? I don't believe the publication in your photograph actually exists, it is a crude internet Photoshop mock-up. £5 Turkey Feast my arse.

Gonzoland said...

Howard:
Go to the website http://www.thatslife.co.uk/. See this week's front page. Sign up to be a surrogate mum. Send a photo of the £5 turkey feasting on your arse.

Aquarians Love To Cuddle said...

This is all very well Mr. S. Duck, but more important news is afoot: Ronnie Biggs died!

The Tutor has not been this upset since George Best carked it 96 months and 3 weeks ago! After burning through his original liver and then his second, he earned that final Red Card to the great Irish beyond!

Time for a little Pistols:

Ronnie Biggs was doing time,
Until he done a bunk
Now he says he's seen the light, And he's sold his soul for punk.
God save politicians
God save our friends the pigs
God save Idi Amin and god save Ronald Biggs
God save all us sinners God save your Scariest Duck.......


Time for a little Al Stewart too I figger....

You reach out your hand
But you're all alone, in these
Time passages
I know you're in there, you're just out of sight
Time passages
Buy me a ticket on the last train home tonight.