Saturday, December 28, 2013

The Google Zeitgeist, and why we are doomed

Google recently released its so-called 'zeitgeist list' – the top ten search terms for 2013. Let's have a look at the results for the UK portion of the exercise and consider the implications:

  1. Facebook
  2. YouTube
  3. Google
  4. Hotmail
  5. Ebay
  6. BBC News
  7. Amazon
  8. Daily Mail
  9. Argos
  10. Yahoo
And the main implication is this: Society is doomed.

The top five results on this list can all be found simply by adding .com to the name. But it's clear that many, many people do not know this and get to their Facebook accounts by Googling for Facebook.

Saints preserve us, nearly as many people look for Google by Googling Google, a practise that risks an infinite causality loops that could actually bring about the end of the universe. And every now and then, the site they want isn't the top result. Which means the "I'm feeling lucky" crowd end up further away from their Farmville or Candy Crush than they thought, and all hell breaks loose.

Yes, I realise that some browsers now have a url bar that doubles up as a search engine input, but this only encourages stupidity and must be stamped out forthwith.

And yes,  also realise this post is nothing but a stream of techno-snobbism aimed at those who are less computer literate than I. Guilty as charged, and the sooner they bring back the written exam for the internet the better. 

And also yes, I realise I illustrated this with that Batman meme, which probably makes me the worst person on the planet.


Ban The Mouse said...

'Researching the Facebook use of 16-18 year olds in eight EU countries, the Global Social Media Impact Study found that as parents and older users saturate Facebook, its younger users are shifting to alternative platforms.' - The Guardian. 27/12/13

Visit to a public library and watch pensioners using keyboards without clicking on a text entry box and then showing surprise when nothing happens on pressing .
On the other hand
Watch secondary schoolkids using a calculator to find the square root of 16.

Anonymous said...

There is hope, Mr. Duck, at least "lolcats" wasn't in the top ten this year.

Or "Gangnam Style".

Dioclese said...

Facebook = continually tampering with it's layout in order to make it even more shite

YouTube = bans my videos and when I appeal responds in 45 seconds after eviewing a 4 minute video. Hmm...

Google = intends to take over the world!

Hotmail = pointless if you've already got e-mail anyway.

eBay = greed, greed, greed!

BBC = Biased Bullshit Corporation

Amazon = an online market place that likes to pretends it's a shop

Daily Mail = right wing propaganda sheet

Argos = waiting to be taken over by Amazon

Yahoo = waiting to be taken over by Google

Conclusion : They're all shit and we're doomed!

Rob Z Tobor said...

This is terrible, I am not in the top ten, I guess I must be number 11.

Daily Mail Why, Who,

And now I need to prove I'm not a robot . . . BLEEP . . . . Damn

Country Century Fox said...

Maggotred Thatcher: 9th
Iain Duncked in Shit's Universal Jobmatch: 8th
Paul Walker: 1st
Call me Canuteron: Nowhere

Facepalm said...

I still can't get my head around people googling google, and that google doesn't respond with a message along the lines of 'You're already here, you fuckwit!'

Anonymous said...

Dearest Facepalm,

If one is using Internet Explorer one will have to search "Google" if one wants it.

Alistair Coleman said...

Dioclese: BBC = Biased Bullshit Corporation --- I would beg to differ.

Holy Berners Lee, Pervman said...

ALTC: You would have failed the exam.
If you're on the Scary Duck page, look at the top of the screen. On the left you should see a duck icon followed by ' . Click on that block of text and key in Hit the Enter key and watch how, as if by a miracle, the Google page appears. Stare in amazement when you click on the down pointing triangle to the right of the url box.

Dioclese said...

Alistair, I would be intrigued to know why?

Anonymous said...

Holy Berners Lee, Pervman said...

"......ALTC: You would have failed the exam......"

As has been consistently my lot in life. Accordingly, sexual favours were always proffered and passing grades accrued.

Google that.

Steve_Barker said...

I start typing bb in the address bar, and appears, and I press enter!

Commonly used sites only need looking up, at the most, once.