Thursday, January 29, 2015
MEME-SPLOSION: Seven things you might not know about me
This is difficult, because I've spent the last 13 years over-sharing everything on my blog, and regular readers probably know enough to set up a full-on and very effective identiy theft.
1. I have an impressive scar across my chest, which I tell people was caused by a wild animal. In fact, it was my sister scratching me one Sunday morning when I was ten. I can still remember the skin peeling off... She tried to drown me once.
2. I'm left-handed but play golf with right-handed clubs because I can hit the ball further that way. And by "play golf", I mean "haven't been on a golf course in 10 years and never likely to do so again".
3. At the age of 17 I qualified as an RAF marksman as a member of the Air Cadets, but they refused to give me the badge because "there were too many Air Cadets qualifying and it makes regular servicemen look bad". I could probably still shoot the balls off a fly at 300 yards given the chance. Left-handed. Go on, push me, see if I don't.
4. I was once abducted, beaten and robbed by Congolese militiamen in Brazzaville. I don't like to talk about it, but talk about it all the bloody time because PTSD. They're dead now. Don't know how to feel about that. Despite being a qualified etc etc (see 3), guns now give me the jitters, even toy ones.
5. I have twice prevented my place of work from burning down. One was when a monitor screen caught fire after years of dust combusted; the second was when somebody tried to cook cake in the microwave, which was a criminal waste of good cake. I have never been thanked for either of these actions, not even through the medium of cake.
6. I have voted for every major political party in elections (but I draw the line at voting for *them*). I have, however, defied conventional wisdom by getting more left-wing as I get older, and have joined a political party for the first time in my life. NO BLACKMAIL, COMRADES*.
7. I wanted to be a pilot and scored the highest marks in my selection group in RAF aptitude tests at Biggin Hill (Thanks, in the main to them being based on first-person computer games at a time I had just scored --- E L I T E --- in Elite for the BBC Micro). I didn't get any further, entirely because of a car-crash interview for which I was entirely unprepared. However, it wouldn't have worked - I get travel sick and hate flying.
* People's Front of Judea (Officials)