Wednesday, January 07, 2015

On not being allowed to buy a tank

This little beauty has recently appeared on the Ministry of Defence surplus sales website. Needless to say, it's my idea of a cute little runabout, with low, low mileage.

Unfortunately, while Jane forgives a great many things, it appears I may not get my dream car, not least because it wouldn't fit in our designated bay.

Me: "If I had £40,000, can we have this tank?"

Jane: "Where would we park it?"

Me: "Anywhere we fucking liked."

She is - of course - quite right, and we will have to make do with our standard-issue Roomba floor sweeper because I doubt if the multi-storey at the Hart Centre will take the weight.

And who wants a tank in this day and age? It wasn't too many years ago that you could buy a military helicopter direct from the factory in Russia for just a tad over sixty grand. It's a ground-attack helicopter or nothing, because I want to beat the traffic jams. And by "beat", I mean "thoroughly destroy".


Dioclese said...

Talk to Flaxen Saxon. I believe he actually has one!

Ivor the Tank Nutter said...

Park it next to the house. Fit a heat sensor to the turret motor. Oh joy!

CiarĂ¡n said...

I thought Jane wrote the books on military hardware? This is quite a change of heart....

Flaxen Saxon said...

From the photo Mr Mallard, this seems a poor tank indeed. I suspect it is under gunned and scant of armour. As the good Dioclese mentioned I own a tank, a T34, sporting an 85mm canon. While this puppy was made in 1944 it still runs like a dream, is easily maintained and can still direct death and mayhem at a moments notice. Oh, deep joy.