Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The complete 'Aargh wasps!'

Wasps are evil, unless they are used in a practical joke that leaves the victim covered in almost-certainly fatal stings shouting "Aargh wasps!" as they try to escape. Then they're brilliant.

Here then, is a list of circumstances WHICH HAVE ACTUALLY HAPPENED which show how any "Aargh wasps!" scenario could play out.

The wasp of choice in all of the following is: Japanese Ninja Wasps.

Dad: What do you want in your school lunch?
Kid: Surprise me
[Fills lunchbox with wasps]
Dad: lol
Mum: lol

[Munich, 1933]
Hitler: Ach, another time machine. Yawn
[Door opens]
Hitler: Ach du liebe Gott und Aargh vasps!
Future Churchill: lol

Priest: The body of Christ
Man: Aargh, it's a wasp
Priest: The body of Christ
Woman: Aargh, it's a wasp
Priest: lol


Man: Forgive me father, for I have sinned
[Priest presses button marked WASPS]
Man: Aargh wasps!
Priest: lol


Man: Doctor, I'm allergic to wasps
[Doctor's finger hovers over button marked WASPS]
Man: But it's not fatal
[Presses button]
Doctor: lol


Scientist: Time to test my electronic wasp repellent
Assistant: I reversed the polarity
Scientist: Aargh wasps!
Assistant: lol


Doctor Who: To the TARDIS!
Master: I filled it with wasps
[Distant cries of Aargh wasps!]
Master: lol


Teacher: Open the packet on your desk & start your wasp studies exam
Kids: Aargh wasps!
Teacher: No talking
Kids: Aargh
Teacher: lol


[TV studio]
Noel Edmonds: Let's open your box - is it the £250k jackpot?
[Opens box]
Contestant: Aargh wasps!
Noel: lol
[Phone rings]
Banker: lol 


[Sign reads 'Warning! Wasps guard these premises']
Robber: A likely story
[Breaks window]
Robber: Aargh wasps!
Bank manager: lol


[Murder scene]
Holmes: The work of Moriarty
Watson: How did you deduce that?
Holmes: Open the box he left
Watson: Aargh wasps!
Holmes: lol


[Cricket match]
Bowler: Here's my secret weapon
[Batsman hits ball, splits open to reveal angry wasps]
Batsman: Aargh wasps!
Bowler: lol 


[FA Cup final]
John Terry: Watch me score a goal
[Ball explodes, it's made of wasps]
John Terry: Aargh wasps!
Referee: lol
Crowd: lol

Batman: Hmm, a parcel from The Riddler
[Label says 'Hooray not bees!']
Robin: Holy open it Batman
Batman: Aargh wasps!
Riddler: lol 


[The Voice]
Contestant: *singing*
[Seat spins round, it's wasps]
Contestant: Aargh wasps! lol 


Gillian McKeith: What HAVE you been eating?
Noted jokester Jeremy Beadle: Wasps
[Wasps fly from bum tube]
McKeith: Aargh wasps!
Beadle: lol 


[Bullingdon Club]
Dave: Watch me stick my thing in this pig's head
Boris: I filled it with wasps for a jape
Dave: Aargh wasps!
Boris: lol

[Nuclear power station]
Tech1: Emergency! Open the reactor core!
Tech2: I swapped the coolant for wasps
Tech1: Aargh wasps!
Tech2: lol

[Moscow, 1812]
Napoleon: At last! Moscow is mine!
[Throws open Kremlin doors]
Napoleon: Aargh wasps!
Pierre Bezukhov: lol

That's enough wasps.


TRT said...

Eddie Butler: Welcome here to Coventry where I've been sent today. You join me just as I'm about to enter the Ricoh Stadium for the first time since the recent refit... and... Aaargh! Wasps.

Matt said...


Mr Larrington said...

You know when you sign off posts with "I am not mad"? I am beginning to suspect that this may not be true.

Gonzoland said...

Me: Jeremy Beadle died in January 30, 2008 from wasps up the bum tube.
lol Only joking. Aargh sphincter wasps in the cemetery!