Tuesday, January 05, 2016
Everything that's wrong with this giant golden statue of Mao Zedong
So, clutching my IKEA coffee table, I say that while he was a great revolutionary leader; but he should have left the actual governing to people who had a vague idea of running the show.
So, some incredibly rich people in one of China's poorest regions are building this - frankly - massive golden statue of the long-dead statesman in his honour.
And it's shit.
Note, if you will:
The head. It's too small and looks nothing like him. As if it was posed by someone who bears a passing resemblance, surprised by a loud noise from a passing car
The spare head. Which DOES look like him, but two heads on a statue aren't a great look, unless celebrating the life of Zaphod Beeblebrox.
The trousers. As Danny Baker has repeatedly pointed out down the years, "Monumental statuary died with the advent of the trouser", and here is all the proof you need. Shoddy trousers in extremis.
The knees. Look at those knees. Seriously. Nobody has knees that sharp. Brush up against those knees and you could get yourself a paper cut.
The shoes. They look like they were issued to Mao by the physiotherapy department of his local hospital. Or, we have just discovered his secret double life as a member of Showaddywaddy.
The sofa. Mao liked nothing more than to sit in a nice comfy chair on a Saturday afternoon, doing his pools coupon before Doctor Who came on. This is not his comfy chair. One suspects that when finished, there will be a flush handle.
Cheese. It's not made of cheese, despite being cheese-coloured. Schoolboy error.
And - yes - the fact that they built the thing in the middle of the countryside worst hit by famine when The Great Leap Forward resulted in mass starvation. Good move.
Chinese millionaires: If you really want to commemorate the man's memory properly, change your cat's name to Chairman Miaow like everybody else does.