Bad news for fans of Martin Clunes

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The giant statue of local celebrity Martin Clunes has broken free of its moorings off the Dorset Coast amid fears for the safety of its 27 crew.

Built to celebrate the actor's continuing success as miserable bastard Doc Martin, the 300-foot sea-going monument was moored off Portland Bill, until recent storms made it drag its anchor.

Last seen heading toward France, the Royal Navy are preparing to sink the Clunes in deep water to prevent contamination from its nuclear-powered engines.

I am not mad.

The Clunes in happier days