Tuesday, May 27, 2003

"Scientific Breakthrough!!! Earn $$$!!!"

We at Scaryduck Labs are pleased to announce the scientific breakthrough that has eluded the world’s greatest brains in the world for centuries – perpetual motion.

Combining the two well-known scientific principles that: a) toast always lands butter side down, and b) cats always land on their feet, we have found that by gluing a kitten to the back of a slice of buttered toast in the correct alignment, a kitten-toast device will spin around indefinitely to avoid hitting the ground the wrong way up. Furthermore, by arranging several dozen arrays of KittyToast devices in parallel, we can wire them up to the National Grid and supply a small town with free electricity for the foreseeable future.

And the great this is that the basic technology already exists to make this amazing breakthrough possible. There is already a plentiful supply of kittens volunteering to be glued to toast for the betterment of humankind; and by utilising a combination of existing McDonalds Fruit Pie thermodynamics and advanced ‘Pop Tart’ technology, the toast will have a half life of at least 30,000 years and will never need reheating. We have also devised a simple Mouse Cannon to ensure that the rotating cats can be fed without having to stop the device for unnecessary meal breaks.

Naturally, the KittyToast has already been stomped on by the dog-loving oil-burning US Military-Industrial complex, operating under the guise of PETA activists. Punks.

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