Wednesday, July 28, 2004

A question of trust

A question of trust

"People you met on the internet?"

Lori's got a point. "People you met on the internet" are probably the most despised group in the history of mankind, ranking somewhere way below Nazis, paedophiles and people who voted for UKIP. In fact, they are probably a mixture of all three. Or Leslie Grantham, glopping over the Screwfix catalogue. A typical conversation with the spouse might go like this:

"I'm off down the pub tonight. I'm meeting a few friends."

"Who would they be then?"

"Oh, just friends."

"Which ones?"

"People I ...err... met on the internet."

"Right..." Visions of black magic, human sacrifice, the exchange of donkey porn and frank discussions on the merits of a lightly-oiled Sarah Beeney swim through her horrified mind.

Worse: "It's a project I'm working on."

"Oh yes..."

"Yeah" - rather too excitedly - "We've got these stickers that say ' Trapped in Sticker Factory - Send Help' and we..."

"Who are 'we'?"

"Me and ...err... some friends."


"People I met on the internet," which comes out with the same inflection as "People I met in prison".

This sort of conversation often ends with the damning "and that's why you were left on a doorstep." Next time I'm just going to say I'm meeting TV's Su Pollard and former Labour MP Tony Benn, or just start twitching uncontrollably whilst sharpening my best axe.

I'm sure we're all entirely sane. After all, we can still count "People who go speed dating" and "People who get excited by Big Brother" below us. Right?

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