What a fuss over nothing this Robert Kilroy-Silk business is. Who do those bolsheviks at the BBC think they are by vilifying this fine, upstanding patriot just for having the audacity to accept pots of cash to say exactly what we already know - anyone living south of Dover is an evil, unwashed dervish who'd crap in your airing cupboard given half the chance.
Like Kilroy, I am no stranger to crap in my airing cupboard and the blue pencil of censorship. Despite a voluminous correspondence between myself and the editor of the Cheltenham Gazette (soon to be published in several editions by Vanity Publications Ltd), I have yet to see one of my well-reasoned letters in print. As a result of this blatant attempt to silence free speech, I have been forced to photocopy my expose of the Reverand Timmins as a sniffer of bicycle saddles at my own expense and nail them to trees and fences round the town.
This is nothing but sour grapes from the bearded, left-wing homosexual so-called-intelligensia posing as the Gazette's editorial board, upset that I polled a massive nine votes in the last general election. Despite this obvious censorship, the Flog 'em, Skin 'em, Send 'em back, Sterlize the poor, we'll have no riff-raff in this green and pleasant land, Fuck the Euro Campaign for crap-free airing cupboards Party will rise again!
I am not mad.
Lt Col Winston St John Cholmondeley-Cholmondeley Patel (Mrs)