I fought the Nazis for twenty-seven years for people like you, and I never thought I’d see the day that they’d allow people with regional accents to present programmes on the BBC.
What kind of sane, well-balanced individual wants to hear the news from London read to them by some leek-munching Taff, some thieving Scouser who’d steal the hubcaps from your cars as soon as look at you, or worse still, one of our Commonwealth bretheren? Not that I’ve got anything against these fine people, I just done what them thrust down my throat morning, noon and night.
As a licence fee payer, and therefore one of the Corporation’s owners, I demand a return to programmes featuring white middle-to-ruling class Londoners wearing dinner jackets, shot only from the waist up; and armed escorts preventing camera crews from leaving the capital.
Any other solution reeks of Bolshevism, and the government should take steps to shut down the BBC - by force if necessary - if the Stalinist lapdogs at Broadcasting House don’t comply. A spell in the Bangkok Hilton, sharing a cell with assorted ladyboys and sheepshaggers, will do them a power of good. After all, it turned me into the pillar of society I am today.
I am not mad.
Lt Col Winston St John Cholmondeley-Cholmondeley Patel (Mrs)
Scary note: I have it on very good authority that the BBC and other broadcasters actually do receive letters like this on a regular basis.