Thursday, February 24, 2005

More lazy blogging

More lazy blogging

Stuff cut-and-pasted from other Scaryduck haunts because I'm too much of an idle git to get anything constructive written today.

101 Things you didn't know about TV's Thora Hird

1. Thora once presented Songs of Praise, live from All Saints Church, Weymouth naked from the waist down to win half a bottle of Scotch in a bet with Aled Jones.

2. Her Last of the Summer Wine character is based on Betty Rubble from the Flintstones.

3. Thora wrote the original advertising slogan for Stannah Stairlifts: "Scream if you want to go faster."

10. Thora will appear in a forthcoming Songs of Praise - Undead Special, singing "All Things Bright and Beautiful, they've all got Spicy Brainnnsssss"

13. Thora was made a Dame of the British Empire after sailing solo round the world in Betty Boothroyd.

14. Following a tempestuous affair with Midge Ure out of 80s synth band Ultravox, the spiky sideburned singer penned the words "It means nothing to me" in the song Vienna to tell Thora of his upset at her loose behaviour. "Vienna" was originally entitled "Drop dead Thora Hird you vile old slattern" until the band were talked out of it by the record company.

36. Thora "Get right on one matey" Hird was the shadowy hand behind the 80s Acid House movement.

43. Thora's hobby was having badgers fired out of a cannon stright up her nadger. In fact, she ran the website, for which people paid twenty quid a month for exclusive webcam footage.

47. Thora Hird was barred from the Embassy World Snooker Championships in 2001 after what became known as "The Len Ganley Incident".

49. Due to an administrative cock-up Thora Hird played centre forward for England in the 1966 World Cup Final, where she scored three goals.

55. Thora Hird is one of the secret ingredients in Coca-Cola.

66. Stretch back all that spare, saggy skin from around Thora Hird's face and tie it in a knot at the back of her head, et voila! TV's bubbly daytime presenter Nadia Sawhala!

73. Thora Hird is the same shape as Indonesia.

92. Home Secretary Charles Clarke is to pass controversial "house arrest" legislation to keep Al Qaeda supremo Thora Hird incarcerated without trial to ensure the safety of these islands. However, the intelligence services have neglected to tell him that she's been dead for two years.

Add more.

Thursday Vote-No

I suppose you want to vote on one of my ever-decreasing folder of Scary Tales. OK then:

* Underneath the Arches: Classic blowing-things-up-woe


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