A Blogday Swearing Special
Today is the fourth anniversary of this site. And to mark this auspicious occasion, I will be mostly swearing like a bastard.
The world is full of terrible cunts. Far too many of them - and let's pull a name out of the ether at random here - James Blunt - are unaware of their utter cuntiness. And there is a very good reason for this. They are in denial.
In all his years as The Worst Person Ever, Phil Collins never once took a couple of steps back and thought to himself "Hmmm, you know, I really am the most enormous cunt", even when he was divorcing his wife by fax, or smugging it up in Buster. I am of the firm opinion that this is because there is no organization that these people can turn to in order to confront the obvious cuntish turn their lives have taken.
There's all the obvious Alcoholics-, Gamblers- and Narcotics- Anonymous groups which assist people with these terrible, life-destroying problems, where they confront their demons head-on, and do what they can to help themselves, and more importantly, those around them. But there is no network of support for the most devastating of these horrors. The celebrity cunt.
And here's were we come in. Cunts Anonymous. A twelve-step plan that allows the Blunts of this world to confront their innate cuntiness, and work to improve their world - and that of those around them - one day at a time. For sure, he is a cunt today, but if he comes to us, he may be reduced to a mere pointless tosser.
The first step in this journey away from cunthood, of course, is always the most important. If Blunt gave us a little less of that "You're beautiful" whining, and a bit more "Hello, my name is James, and I am a cunt", we could be making a bit of progress. Naturally, this admission would be followed by either a hearty round of applause or a damn good kicking. I haven't decided yet.
Although it would be tempting to lock P. Collins and J. Blunt in a room and leg it, surely there are many, many others who should be encouraged to attend regular CA meetings. Kate Moss and Jade Goody for two, showing that gender is no bar to being an annoying celebrity cunt. If we can get enough, we can pack them all onto a bus for the CA Mystery Coach Trip. No mystery: it's Beachy Head again.
Go on - suggest-o-cunt! A list of their crimes would come in handy, just in case I dump this whole idea in the bin, and plump for good old-fashioned Stalinist show-trials and a firing squad.