Monday, February 13, 2006

The Risk Business

The Risk Business

This week, I am currently hating insurance companies. If I catch up with that More Than dog, I'm going to shove that annoying phone on wheels right where the sun don't shine. And that'll be more than lucky.

So: ring-sir?

Me: "Yes, it's about the renewal quote you sent me for my home insurance."

Direct Fucking Line, the bastards: "Yeeeess...."

Me: "Last year it was 240 pouns, and now you want over three hundred. What's up?"

DFL, tb: "We've increased our premiums in line with inflation,sir."

Me: "What ? Inflation? Jesus, I live in Brazil now?"

DFL, tb: "Ha ha, no sir, we've increased your cover as well, sir."

Me: "Yes, I noticed. I get 10p more if my house is hit by a meteor, and you've introduced Penguin Attack Insurance because of my proximity to a fishing port."

DFL, tb: "Company policy, sir. Do you want to take up our excellent cover?"


Phone-call the second:

Me: "Yes, it's about the renewal quote you sent me for my car insurance."

Fucking More Than, the bastards: "Yeeeess…."

Me: "Last year it was 170 pouns fully comp, ten years no-claims. This year, I couldn't help but notice the quote going up to 490."

FMT, tb: "That'll be because of your accidents, sir."

Me: "Accidents. What accidents?"

FMT, tb: "The one in January 2002 and the other one in June 2004."

Me: "Hang on a cotton-pickin'… the first one was the other guy's fault. His insurance company paid in full, and he was done for driving without due care…"

FMT, tb: "Yes sir, but…"

Me: [now ranting] "And the second one was when an old lady drove her car into mine while I was parked on my own drive. I was actually over one hundred miles away at the time. You couldn't pin that one on me if you tried. She admitted careless driving, and she should know - she's the local schools Tufty Club lady*."

FMT, tb: "Yes sir, but…"

Me: "You are, if I might hazard some personal abuse here, having a giraffe."

FMT, tb: "Yes sir, but [here it comes] it's company policy sir. Do you want to take up our excellent cover? For an extra five pounds a month we can also cover you for road rage**."


In summary: GAAAAHHHHH!

* True!
** Also true.

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