Thelma and Loo-ise
A story which ends with the line "Now there's something you don't see everyday."
So, there I was: Friday evening, fighting against every caravan-towing dope in the South-West of England to get home for the Bank Holiday weekend. I had just cleared Salisbury, put my foot down to get past another snail-on-wheels, when I hear the now familiar sound of the Star Wars Imperial March.
It is my phone ringing.
Sensible driver that I am, I pull into a handy layby, to find out why my boss is ringing me after hours.
It is a rather pleasant social call, which also has the result of letting every slwo-moving bastard I had overtaken in the last twenty miles get past me again, with hardly a passing place to be had until Weymouth.
Just as I was wrapping up the call, a singularly flashy red sports car zips into the layby, and out jump two women of the female persuasion who can only be described as Yummy Mummies, clearly on the run from The Man.
Thelma looked around furtively, while her friend scurried into the undergrowth, dropped her trousers and done a wee. A wee, inna hedge.
Unfortunately, Louise had not gone far enough in - connosieurs of the art will ensure there are at least several trees between the makeshift toilet and potential witnesses - and could be clearly seen going about her business, some sort of comedy squatting affair that just invites unintended leakage.
As a married man, it is not my place to comment on the quality of the bottom. But seven out of ten, rising to eight with the merest flash of the flanges, if I were the type to pass judgement. Passing drivers also showed their approval, and the air was rent with car horns.
Emerging from the undergrowth, and holding her trousers up, she said five words to her friend. Five words which I shall never forget.
"Have you got a tissue?"
No. No she did not.
I did. They didn't want it.
"Hey, boss - you'll never guess what I've seen!"
"Now there's something you don't see everyday."
On Condensed Movie Week
This little episode leads vaguely into the coming week where Scary watches a lot of films - new and old - so you don't have to. It'll be a riot, but, of course, not as funny as I used to be.