On staging the best Olympics Walford's ever seen
The Olympics opening ceremony.
No, really. Wow.
Every Games gets better and better and it's now London's job to up the ante for 2012.
And, I am pleased to report, we've got top men working on the job already. Top. Men.
As you can see from this 100 per cent genuine exclusive extract from Lord Coe's notebook, left on a bus in downtown Beijing (and passed on to this website my our mole Scary Peking Duck), we're already sorting out the Olympics opening ceremony to end all opening ceremonies.
And top marks to Sebby - not letting that little local rivalry with Steve Ovett get him down after all these years.
With our Games only four years away, it is vital that we get our act together RIGHT NOW, as it's going to take that long to get all the Art Council grants together to pay off the heavily-armed men tasked with making sure that those bastards from Coldplay get nowhere near London come the big day.
* Chas and Dave
* Genuine cockney Dick van Dyke and his dance troupe – the DVD Players
* Pro-celebrity ritual burning of the Wicker Man (starring Jimmy Carr)
* Lord Coe to attempt new world record for jumping over Steve Ovetts in a steamroller (current record: half a Steve Ovett)
* Chas and Dave (big finish)
The London 2012 Organising Committee is still trawling for suggestions. I promise (in fact, my good friend Kim Jong-Il swears on his dog's life) to send on the best that you come up with.
Get in there!