"You're funny, Scary. Ever thought of doing stand-up?"
I'll tell you a story instead.
When I were but a lad, I went off with the Air Cadets for a summer camp on an RAF base.
While we were there, we found that the building we were using for training also had an auditorium with a stage. Why not, then, put of a show?
We put on a show.
And, thinking I was funny, I roped a bunch of mates into doing the Monty Python self-defence class sketch.
We had spent days under the thumb of a sadistic PE instructor, and thought it would be a total scream to take the mick out of him in front of all the officers and some 80 fellow cadets.
The curtain went up.
We did the sketch.
Not a titter.
Not even a smile.
Weed tumbled across the auditorium.
Only the comment from one of my former pals as we crept off to deafening silence: "You dick, Scary."
So: "Hey Scary, why don't you try stand-up. You're funny."
No thank you. I cannot. I have already died.