Friday, March 15, 2013
Pope Francis Facts
FACT: The Argentinan Pope's favourite Star Trek captain is Jean-Luc Picard. As an odd-numbered Pope, he is acutely aware that the Odd/Even Sequels Rule applies to Pontiffs as much as it does to Star Trek movies
FACT: As a little-known priest he spent two seasons as goalkeeper for Derby County
FACT: Pope Francis has no opinion on the 1990s 'shoegaze' movement that brought us such bands as My Bloody Valentine and Ride
FACT: Pope Francis spent over £100,000 on two painful years of surgery so he could look like his comedy idol Jim Bowen. Previously, he worked as a Ronnie Barker lookalike
FACT: Pope Francis' first job at the Vatican will be to have anybody selling "Frankie Says" T-Shirts burned as blasphemers
FACT: Pope Francis once saw a nun, and had to spend the rest of the afternoon in a whisky-induced coma
FACT: Pope Francis is the voice of the Buenos Aires speaking clock
FACT: Before finding fame as the Pope, Francis gained a cult following as host of the Argentine version of "Cash in the Attic"
FACT: Pope Francis makes pin money on craft website Etsy by selling wind chimes made from old AOL discs
FACT: Pope Francis always tries to get his catchphrase "Amen, mofo" into every sermon. Listen out for it
FACT: The Pope can instantly transfer himself back to Argentina by tapping his red shoes together and saying "There's no place like home"
Let's hear it for the new Pope!
"Huh!" I hear you say, "You wouldn't say all that if the Pope was Muslamic, would you?"
Yes I would:
FACT: The Muslamic Pope is a bumface
Come and get me, Al-Qaeda