Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Miley Cyrus FACTS

She's the new face of the global market in vapid pop music and shameless marketing who is adored by millions of easily-pleased, slack-jawed, tight-trousered morons. But did you know...?

* Miley plans to place a camera between her buttocks (pointing outwards) and create a unique TV documentary on the effects of twerking

* Miley also plans to place a video camera between her buttocks (pointing inwards) and create a unique TV documentary on the state of pop music

* In France, due to European legislation on the standardisation of units of measurement, Miley is known as 1.603-Kilometry Cyrus

* Miley invented twerking trying to dislodge a piece of toilet paper that got jammed up there after a particularly vigorous wipe whilst simultaneously searching for a lost contact lens

* Born completely mute, she was only able to talk after pioneering surgery gave her a tongue that once belonged to a giraffe

* Despite her massive global fame, Miley hasn't given up her day job working as a sports mascot. Here she is at a recent game:
* Miley's identical twin Hannah Montana is now locked in a Colorado correctional facility after being declared an enemy of the state

* Miley's current fame comes as a result of a family bet to "Go on, I dare you to make something worse than Achy Breaky Heart", which she won

* Nelson Mandela refused a recent request to be twerked by Miley because of "ill health" and "who the shitting hell are you anyway?" Instead, publicity hungry spiritual leader the Dalai Lama has stepped up to the plate

* Miley's huge international hit "Wrecking Ball" is about a dream she had where she kicked Adolf Hitler in the nut

* Miley understands what's going on in Homeland
Let's hear it for Miley Cyrus!


Steve sBlues said...

hm. is she doing anything new ? Are you?

Amy P said...

1.603-Kilometry Cyrus


Have you seen the 'Attenborrowed' version?

Dioclese said...

Definitely a candidate for "...is a cunt" IMHO