Tuesday, March 03, 2015

TV Ideas: Finding the next Monkey Tennis

Television is clearly running out of ideas, and it is up to us - the viewers - to give them some new inspiration before some oaf in a shiny suit and white trousers goes out and makes Monkey Tennis.

We held a bit of a brain storm, and these are the winning ideas we came up with. Television execs: YOUR MOVE.

Wolf Hall - Jeremy Beadle-inspired prank show in which large, hungry animals are hidden in people's homes, with HILARIOUS results

Scrap Heap Challenge - Former winners of The Voice try to revive their careers

Blue Peter - Viewers vote on the best swear words, Peter Gabriel has 30 minutes to write and perform a song based on the results

The Big Match - James May attempts to make a match out of an entire tree, accidentally burns down an area of outstanding natural beauty

You've Been Framed - Hidden camera show where members of the public are stitched up on crimes they did not commit. Want to get your own back on an enemy, call our researchers at West Midlands Police

Take Me Out - Call down a mafia contract on yourself. Survive 24 hours, win a Mini Metro

Who Do You Think You Are?
- Contestants attempt to start arguments in public places, win a Mini etro if they manage to goad their opponent into saying the catchphrase

Pointless - Ordinary members of the public bring in their thimble collections and battleships made out of matchsticks, are mocked thoroughly for wasting their lives, before being forced to watch their items being thrown into a rubbish compactor

Britain's Got Talons - Hopefuls sing on stage next to a variety of nervous and hungry carniverous animals. Beat the buzzer or get eaten by the buzzard!

Last of the Summer Wine - Three old duffers drink the leftovers from their Calais booze cruise in one massive eight-hour session, before going downhill in a bathtub

Celebrity Big Brother - Jonathan Ross asks Paul if he's getting much work these days

Dad's Army - Imported comedy. Syrian president Bashar Al-Assad forces his kids to join the fight against Islamic State, with HILARIOUS results.

Monkey Tennis


TRT said...

Changing rooms. Where notorious pedophiles are let loose in a changing rooms, blindfolded, in a flimsy jumpsuit, and with ear-mufflers on. Cubicles are filled with a variety of prizes, fondue sets, a VCR (Betamax), a starving leopard, a bear trap, acid shower, a mini metro etc and the star prize of course, a youngster getting changed as they see on video before going in (any old video tape will do).
They get to keep picking a door until they don't want to gamble anymore.

Mr Larrington said...

Hostages. Insert tasteless Islamic State-related japery here.

Gonzoland said...

Death in Pair o' Dice - Contestants are locked inside large cubes and rolled off a disused quarry.
Scum V - Like Scrum V only dirtier.
Waterloo Rode - Riders face heavy attack from cannon fire.

Rob said...

Top Gear - A Jilly Gooldon 'food and drink' inspired review show about lager and ales for ventriloquists.